for the things i donít choose to say out loud.
friday, december 13, 2002- 03:54 p.m.
my body feels like we fucked to kingdom come last night.
but we didnít. unfortunately.
i see it
december 3, 2002- 01:24 p.m.
i can recognise your footsteps on the stairs outside and even though we always try not to look at each other too much, we can still always see where the other person is.
itís there. that thing.
and i think we should go with it.
november 29, 2002- 04:48 p.m.
take me and hold me like you used to.
the first times.
not like now.
not like you canít be bothered.
not like you feel you have to.
do it because you want to.
be with me because i make you happy.
november 28, 2002- 04:37 p.m.
in hindsight, i was never really attracted to you. it was something that i thought would be worth a try but your personality betrays any sense of fun and fulfilment.
i conjecture, i will not be going there again.
november 28, 2002- 03:06 p.m.
i want to be your whore.
november 18, 2002- 05:12 p.m.
there are days, many of, when i wonder why i donít tell you to just fuck the fuck offÖ
out of line...
november 16, 2002- 01:55 p.m.
iím so angry with you right now, because itís so apparent that you donít even know what you do and how you make him feel. thereís no reason for it, thereís no logic behind it and itís grossly unfair of you to do this.
i want to tell you to grow up, i want to say that i think youíre a fucking bitch for what youíre doing and iím wish you knew how much i believe that he deserves so much better than what you are to him right now.
sort it fucking out.
there should be no such thing as wrong...
november 14, 2002- 12:20 p.m.
hey, i have an idea. try just pulling it in a little bit, ok. the idea is not to participate to display exemplar knowledge, the idea is to share the knowledge that we have, to discuss, to postulate, to theorise, to even argue. ergo, the idea is not that you refute someone elseís beliefs or opinions as being based on rubbish. nor do you present your own with arrogance. there will come a time (as i deduce there often does) when youíre not the one who knows the mostÖ
itís just a matter of respect, you knowÖ
november 13, 2002- 12:39 p.m.
i mostly fuck girls called susan...
november 11, 2002- 03:45 p.m.
i shouldnít have said or done what i did, i imagine because now youíre feeling uncomfortable and anxious about it. iím sorry, it shouldnít have happened. itíll all look better after a while. donít do anything sillyÖ.
november 8, 2002- 02:58 p.m.
regardless of what happens between us, i want you to know the a few small things.
1. i will always cherish those first few months we had before and remember that no one has ever made me feel so alive.
2. i know that things have been really hard for both of us apart and together, but iím not blaming anyone for that.
3. i have not lost hope for us, itís hard, itís fucking awful, but itís not impossible.
4. i do love you and i really respect you, and i think i always will.
5. that time that we were sitting on your bed and you turn around and just looked at me? way back when we thought everything was going to be perfect? that was the happiest of my life.
november 7, 2002- 03:48 p.m.
you know iím not as strong as i try to pretend. and i always thought you knew that. you can be so fucking selfish.
god, i hate you.
november 6, 2002- 11:57 a.m.
if you were my boyfriend, if you were even just my friend, i think i would derive great pleasures from persecuting you and making you feel small, so irritated you make me feel. your biggest problem, you should know, is that youíre just not that smart and you have no idea that that is the case. itís a dangerous combination which seems to have resulted in and obnoxious persona in you. and itís just not funny. neither is it attractive to anyone. in short, it makes you look like an asshole. you are a fucking asshole.
november 4, 2002- 05:58 p.m.
no, no itís not that i ever explicitly lied to you, but i certainly held back on some information to protect you. what? oh, well, i guess fucking someone in my work would come into that. and yeah, the saying i love you but never meaning it would too. um, thatís all i can think of for now. it had to be done.
i'm not sure
november 1, 2002- 05:07 p.m.
in hindsight, iím not sure that ever happened. in fact, i may have made up to piss you off. all in the nature of the game, of courseÖ
october 31, 2002- 05:34 p.m.
i did it again. no, more than once. i know i said i wouldnít. no, iím not kidding. why would i lie? i donít think i care what you think. yeah.